Beyond the Hurt: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Understanding Student Self-Harm
Self-harm is not just a cry for attention—it’s often a coping mechanism rooted in trauma and emotional pain. This article explores how educators and counselors can respond through a trauma-informed lens, offering students compassion, safety, and tools to heal.
Understanding Self-Harm in Students: A Trauma-Informed Lens
Self-harm is a complex and often misunderstood behavior, particularly among students who may be experiencing trauma or emotional dysregulation. It’s easy to feel alarmed or overwhelmed when a student shares that they’re hurting themselves—but we must look beyond the behavior to understand what’s really going on. Self-harm is not necessarily a suicide attempt; rather, it's often a coping strategy.
For many students, these behaviors are not about seeking attention, but about expressing distress in the only way they know how. It’s a method of managing emotional pain that has become too intense or too difficult to articulate. It may help them gain a sense of control when life feels overwhelming or relieve a sense of numbness. In some cases, it may be the only way they know how to “feel” anything at all. Self-harm becomes a form of expression and regulation.
In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma is stored not only in the mind but in the body itself. He notes that trauma disrupts the brain’s ability to regulate emotions and often causes individuals to disconnect from their physical and emotional selves. As a result of this disconnection, they may use self-injury to feel in control, to punish themselves when shame and guilt are overwhelming, or simply to “feel” when everything else feels numb. According to van der Kolk, healing begins by restoring a sense of safety and trust in the body. For students, this starts with having adults respond with compassion and understanding, rather than fear or judgment. It’s not about “fixing” the student, but providing a space where they feel heard, seen, and supported.
Helping Students Heal: Reconnecting with the Body
Students who self-harm are often dealing with far more than what we can see. For those who have experienced trauma, the body can feel like an unsafe place. When there is an ongoing threat—or even the memory of one—the nervous system remains on high alert. Traumatized individuals often feel disconnected or detached from their physical selves. For some, self-harm becomes a way to either feel something or release overwhelming emotional pain that has no words.
One of the most important steps in supporting these students is helping them develop a sense of safety and agency in their own bodies. We must guide them toward recognizing their sensations and emotions in a non-threatening way. This begins by creating calm, predictable environments where they can start to notice what they are feeling—without judgment. Mindfulness practices such as grounding techniques, breathing exercises, and body scans provide students with simple, concrete ways to begin feeling safe again. Even small actions like noticing their breath or identifying where they feel tension can help rebuild a sense of control.
It’s also important to recognize that physical touch can be complicated. While it can offer comfort, for many trauma survivors—especially those who have experienced physical or sexual abuse—touch is both something they crave and fear. That’s why educators and counselors must honor boundaries and create consistent, nurturing spaces where students feel emotionally connected and safe.
Ultimately, healing from self-harm is a process. It starts with helping students learn to listen to their bodies, recognize emotions as they arise, and build coping tools that don’t involve self-injury. When they can respond to their physical and emotional states with curiosity instead of fear, they begin to reclaim control—and healing becomes possible.
How School Counselors Can Support Students Who Self-Harm
When a student reveals that they are self-harming, it’s essential to respond with calm, care, and connection. Our reactions set the tone for whether students continue to seek support or retreat into shame and secrecy.
Approach with Empathy, Not Alarm
Stay grounded and nonjudgmental. Reacting with fear or shock can heighten a student’s sense of shame. Instead, offer a compassionate presence: “I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone, and I’m here to help.”
Validate Their Experience
Let the student know their feelings are real and worthy of attention. Often, the act of being seen and heard begins the healing process.
Provide a Safe, Regulated Space
Students in distress need an environment that feels physically and emotionally safe. Use calming tools like sensory objects, journaling prompts, or breathing exercises to help them manage difficult emotions.
Assess for Safety
It’s critical to gently assess whether the student is in immediate danger or experiencing suicidal thoughts. Follow your school’s protocol for risk assessments and crisis response.
Connect to a Support Network
When appropriate, involve caregivers and collaborate with school-based mental health professionals such as social workers or psychologists. Ongoing support may also include outside counseling services.
Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Students who engage in self-harm often lack tools to express or manage their feelings. Counselors can introduce mindfulness strategies, grounding techniques, and emotional vocabulary to help build these essential skills.
Follow Up and Stay Present
Regular check-ins help build trust and show students they are not facing their challenges alone. Consistency and presence are powerful tools in promoting healing and resilience.
Promote a Trauma-Informed School Culture
When schools actively teach emotional wellness, empathy, and coping strategies, students are better equipped to handle adversity. Ongoing professional development in trauma-informed care is essential to this mission.
Important Note
Counselors should always follow school protocols for reporting and intervention. If a student’s self-harm is severe or potentially life-threatening, immediate action should be taken to ensure their safety, including possible emergency referral.
Sources:
van der Kolk, Bessel A. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking, 2014.
